47 Senators Write A New Letter – And Ask Castro to Take Cruz Back

ted-cruz-filibuster

“From The Desk of NickiLeaks”

It was fortunate that three reporters from the NickiLeaks newsroom were on a fact-finding mission to Havana (seeing which rum was the best) when the announcement came that Cuban-born Ted Cruz had thrown his hat into the presidential ring.

It was also fortunate that they had spent a lot of time drinking with the woman in charge of communication at the Canadian embassy in Havana as she was the one handling all the back-door traffic between Washington and the officials of the Castro administration.

For now it seems that the tables had turned and it was 47 Democratic senators who were writing to the leaders of a foreign nation. But unlike their Republican counterparts, they were not meddling in the affairs of another nation, but rather, trying to fix matters in their own and that’s a big difference.

So was how fast they wrote it!

And luckily for the three reporters, the senators’ message had gone through the hands of their new friend, so now they were reading the text of the letter and trying hard not to laugh.

Mostly, they were failing completely as they pictured the massive rage this would spawn from the Republicans back home and the complete apoplexy this would create on Fox News.

Adding to the laughter, the reporters were wondering if they could get away with calling the return of Cruz “the Mariel Oaf Lift” and figuring, correctly, that if they couldn’t call it that now, they could after one more drink.

They loved the irony of it all, especially the genius of whomever decided that the letter itself should be written on parchment that was – appropriately – 100% pure white cotton.

And they were awestruck by the phrasing and the reasoning for the Democrats’ request, phrases taken from the Declaration of Independence itself, with just a word or two changed here and there to make it work.

Even their Canadian friend was impressed.

“He (Cruz) has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his fellow Republicans to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together conservative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws.”

Refused his assent?” they wondered. “There’s probably quite a few laws he downright broke.”

Some of the laws of nature, was their first guess.

And he’s been a major pain in the ass!” the senior reporter stated.

Nice touch using the Founding Fathers,” their friend from Ottawa noticed as she allowed them to buy her one more drink, using the excuse that they had found the best rum.

That will really sting those Republican wankers. They do get wound up about their patriotism! Or, at least they appear to.

And I do wish you the best of luck getting the Castros to take back Cruz. In fact, there’s nothing I wish for more.”

Really?” the reporters inquired.

Of course, chaps,” the information officer said with a nice twinkle in her eyes. “Because, if the Cubans won’t take him back, you’ll ask us next.

And we can’t have that, can we?”

– By Nick Vanocur for All-len-All.com