Education – It’s Always Bagger in Texas

From the Desk of NickiLeaks

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“Education is not a problem. Education is an opportunity.”
– Lyndon B. Johnson, Texan

As Wendy Davis battles the lost boys for the governorship of Texas, she, and rightly so, has made education the major issue.

They sure do need some down there.

Following the theory “It’s always Bagger in Texas,” The state has made a lot of reforms recently, none of which are good.

Supposedly, the broad themes of the education bill, known as HB 5, to the State Board of Education allows greater flexibility for districts and students, more local control, fewer state-mandated tests and greater emphasis on career preparation for students whose futures do not  include college.

“There are about 40% of our students who we are not adequately meeting their needs,” said state Rep. Jimmy Don Aycock, R-Killeen.

In other words, they’re still too smart for Texas Republicans to be satisfied.

Many of the new elements are barely outlined in the law, signed by Gov. Rick Perry. For any detail the legislators couldn’t agree on, the state board and the Texas Education Agency were tasked with nailing down specifics.

image005The commissioner must come up with a plan to use PSAT, ACT, SAT, and other tests used to award college credit to substitute for STAAR tests.

Apparently, they are also using LSD and the Bible to achieve these goals, which include creating six new classes to count as a fourth math credit, which shows the problems down in Texas.

If they could do math, four classes would count as four credits as it does everywhere else in  the world.

And the new classes and tests are a bit odd.

 

TEXAS MATH TEST

1) If you are not part of the 47% what percent have we left for you?

2) If you are part of the 1%, what it the correct amount to donate to conservative Super PACs ?

3) If 90% of the people want something, does that matter to Congress?

4) What is the correct percentage of EPA inspectors that should not receive funding?

5) If  food stamps to poor families are cut by $100 per week, how many Democrats will be left alive in to vote 2014?

6) If a lobbyist leaves a congressman’s office with $100,000 less than he carried in, how big is the new corporate tax break?

 

TEXAS ENGLISH TEST

1) Spell Second Amendment?

2) Is an oxymoron your family on Loritabs?

3) Is Bible the correct way to spell Qu’ran?

4) Misspell Obama

5) What language do they speak in California?

6) What is the least correct way to spell liberal?

7) Can you spell DC without cursing?

8) Are your ancestors English?

 

 

Parts of the Texas history test are interesting as well.

1) Have you forgotten how good things were when Democrats like Lyndon Johnson, Sam Rayburn and Ann Richard ran Texas?

2) Do you remember how great it was when Texas was not part of the United States?
(If someone says they do, it is kind of interesting because nobody alive now was alive back then.)

3) Have you forgotten that the Texas Rangers actually started with a bunch of vigilantes who sought to make life better?

(Much like Occupy Wall Street)

4) Do your remember when the brave Texans died at the Alamo surrounded by thousands of illegal immigrants seeking their jobs?

As you can see, many parts of math and history have been changed by the current Republican administration to include facts that never happened.

For some people, mostly Democrats and Independents, that would be a problem, but when it comes to education in Texas, they never learn.

For instance, as part of the (un) Educational changes in Texas – “The agency is required to create a new ‘accountability dashboard’ website that makes it easy to access information about student achievement at the state, district and campus level.

I wonder if that website hit any glitches?

Live and learn, I guess? 

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 By Nick Vanocur