For GOP, finding Benghazi is as tough as finding Waldo


“From The Desk of NickiLeaks”

The seven members of the GOP Extra-Special House Committee to Finally Find Out What the Hell Almost or Might Have Happened in Benghazi That Will Ruin Hillary’s Chances in 2016 decided that they ought to have a meeting to make sure they were on the same page.

Same page of the coloring book?” one veteran editor at the Desk of NickiLeaks newsroom quipped.

How can you have a coloring book when all the crayons are white, pink, and red for the noses?” a nearby reporter asked, as he slid the bottle of Tia Maria out of his desk drawer and wandered over to refill a very large coffee cup three-quarters of the way.

(Had to leave some room for booze, after all.)

It’s the GOP,” he noted wandering back and checking to see if the bottle had been moved.

You were expecting them to use rainbow colors?” he asked rhetorically.

Not for a moment,” another reporter agreed, offering his own coffee mug up and receiving a hefty splash from his colleague.

So what are we going to do about this well-known secret meeting?” the editor asked, trying to get things back on track, a feat that was not always easy to do around there.

Already taken care of,” another reporter with better curves and more brains than most, said as she pulled a flash drive from her purse, one that looked suspiciously like a tube of lipstick.

An old college friend of mine is a receptionist over there on the Hill,” and it just so happens that she was manning the phones outside the very office they picked for the meet.
“Being the cheap, egotistical, puffed-up male Republicans, they are, she was easy to bribe.”

She dropped a piece of paper on the editor’s desk and smiled.

There’s my expense form. You just bought her some Jimmy Choos and a good dinner.”

And she smiled an even better smile and wiggled the lipstick case.

The lipstick has the dipsticks!”

There was scattered, but enthusiastic applause.

And more coffee.

Meanwhile, the editor plugged the chip into the computer.

Careful, you’ll get cooties from that!” he was teased.

Actually, what he got was high-quality sound and a damn good laugh. Several good laughs, in fact.

And sure enough, there was committee chair’s Trey Gowdy’s voice coming out of the computer’s speakers loud and clear.

Now, I want you all to know that we have dispatched our top investigator, Waldo Weir to the site of the deaths . . . “

Wheres-Waldo-USA_002Belebachi!” exclaimed one of the GOP witch hunters.

No, that’s a town in Chihuahua, Mexico with 139 residents,” one reporter said, shaking his head. “We scored some good grass there back in college.”

No, not Belebachi,” Gowdy continued.

Of course not,” another member was heard saying, “We all know that Hillary was behind the deaths in Bagaladi.”

Bagaladi is in Italy,” another reporter pointed out. “We drove through there once. Small town with two good restaurants and a population of 4192.”

“Which is the year the Republicans think Columbus discovered Ohio,” an editor joked.

Nah, boy, you’re nuts!” the congressman was rebuked by a college. “They sent that Waldo fellow to Ban Zahai!”

Israel,” NickiLeaks’ newly returned foreign correspondent exclaimed. “City of 100,000 people that sure as hell aren’t Arabs.”

And there goes the Jewish vote,” a very bright copy girl observed.

There goes the sane vote,” a reporter agreed.

No, you’re both wrong,” another committee member was heard yelling. “The damn embassy is in Beingraben!”

“Stopped there on a skiing trip once,” the NickiLeaks publisher said, having snuck in and, up until then, standing silently in the back.

It ain’t in Libya, it’s in Austria!”

Do you think they’ll ever figure out where Benghazi is?” the editor asked, barely containing his laughter.

Hell,” the reporter said, wandering back to the coffee machine, “Figure out where Benghazi is? Those Republicans can’t even figure out where Waldo is!

Or if he’s a city!”

– By Nick Vanocur for