Hillary Clinton Gives Her Book to GOP Squirrel


By Hunter, Daily Kos

It is 2014. There is no current “Hillary Clinton candidacy.” Hillary Clinton currently holds no government job. And the Republican Party still sees fit to follow her around to her various book signings and other public appearances with a sweaty guy in a seven-foot squirrel costume because, well, hell if anybody knows. It’s because they had the leftover squirrel costume from an equally bizarre anti-ACORN effort and literally not one better idea of how to spend their time.

So Clinton did what any decent author would do if they found themselves being trailed by a seven-foot squirrel: She gave him a signed copy of her book.

Clinton approached the squirrel, clad in a t-shirt reading “Another Clinton in the White House is Nuts,” just before her CNN town hall event outside the Newseum in Washington, DC.

“Hello Mr. Squirrel, how are you?” Clinton said with a smile. “I know you’ve been following me around and while you’re in between your gigs. I wanted you to get a copy of my book.”

“I hope that you will make the hard choice and read my book,” she added. “But you bring a smile to a lot of people’s face.”

Especially hers, she did not need to add. For his part, the squirrel reflected on the encounter both personally and through a party intermediary.

“The squirrel was surprised that Hillary would engage it, though I must say the squirrel was upset it couldn’t ask Hillary the tough questions Americans want answered. The fact that Hillary engaged just proves that team Hillary is nervous about the Republican opposition,” [RNC spokesperson Raffi Williams] said in email to National Journal. “The squirrel has already put the book in the fiction section of his library.” […]Democrats were quick to mock the stunt, but the HRC Squirrel, as it’s known on Twitter, said the jeering merely “proves just how nervous they are that my efforts will get Hillary not to run.”

All right, squirrel, here’s the deal. We know times have been rough. We know there’s never going to be aACORN HRC Squirrel” children’s show, and that you are probably getting paid either nothing or 10 percent above nothing to get carted around to wherever Hillary Rodham Clinton is expected to spend each day, and that after this many days on the road the odors of sweat and desperation probably waft around you like a miasma of Paul Ryan budget ideas—but I don’t want to see that book on eBay. That’s your book, for you.

When you are old and gray and coming unstitched in places, when you are settling down after all the future stints of being the Anti-Medicare squirrel, or the Privatize Social Security squirrel, or the Climate Change is Good For You squirrel, or the Bomb Iran squirrel, or the Iran is Now Our Friend squirrel, you will be able to put one furry hand on that book and remember the time, way back when, when you got to be on the national news. The time someone gave you a book, and made eye contact with you, and because your eyes were made out of felt nobody could see your silent, happy tears.

Reprinted with permission from The Daily Kos.

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