Re-Rand: When it comes to inaugural plagiarism, you can say that again

“From the Desk of NickiLeaks”


If you’ve said it a thousand times, I’ve said it once.”
– Rand Paul.


Lots has been said recently about Rand Paul and plagiarism.

Some of it’s been said twice in fact, so it seemed time for NickiLeaks to get to the bottom of it.

And we have.

Having gained access to a secret document provided by two animal issue-oriented aides to Rand Paul named Chip and Dale, it is now known that Rand Paul is not only contemplating running for the White House in 2016 but has been actively working on his inaugural speech, much to the dismay of his aides and to the joy of this columnist.

Here’s how things have been going down . . .

Imagine Rand Paul, tie loosened, vest undone, clutching a sheaf of papers, pacing the room and reading.

No one can contemplate current conditions without finding much that is satisfying and still more that is encouraging. Our own country is leading the world in the general readjustment to the results of the great conflict. Many of its burdens will bear heavily upon us for years, and the secondary and indirect effects we must expect to experience for some time. But we are beginning to comprehend more definitely what course should be pursued, what remedies ought to be applied, what actions should be taken for our deliverance . . .
“Already we have sufficiently rearranged our domestic affairs so that confidence has returned, business has revived, and we appear to be entering an era of prosperity which is gradually reaching into every part of the Nation.”

Sounds just like what Calvin Coolidge said in his 1925 speech,” Chip observed, bobbing his head politely.

It is what Calvin Coolidge said in 1925,” Dale agreed.

Do you thing he should be quoting the person who started the Great Depression?” Chip inquired, the light shining on his big brown eyes.

It wasn’t very popular,” Dale agreed politely.

In the meantime, Rand Paul continued, not hearing, just pacing, orating and plagiarizing.

Reform, reorganization, and strengthening of our whole judicial and enforcement system, both in civil and criminal sides, have been advocated for years by statesmen, judges, and bar associations. First steps toward that end should not longer be delayed. Rigid and expeditious justice is the first safeguard of freedom, the basis of all ordered liberty, the vital force of progress. It must not come to be in our Republic that it can be defeated by the indifference of the citizens, by exploitation of the delays and entanglements of the law, or by combinations of criminals. Justice must not fail because the agencies of enforcement are either delinquent or inefficiently organized. To consider these evils, to find their remedy, is the most sore necessity of our times.”

Interesting words from someone who blocked every judicial appointment President Obama made,” Dale mused.

Interesting words indeed,” Chip conceded.

You you think the press will notice that Herbert Hoover said that in his 1929 inauguration?” Dale askth-5ed.

Without a doubt,” Chip concurred, the furry brown hairs at the back of his neck on the rise.

Do you think he’s done?” He asked.

Politically, yes indeedy I do,” Dale said with a vigorous nod of his head.

But talking, I’m afraid not,” he said in the documents revealed to NickiLeaks.

And as it turns out, he was right.

Rand was way too pleased and too far gone.

Within us, the people of the United States, there is evident a serious and purposeful rekindling of confidence. And I join in the hope that when my time as your President has ended, people might say this about our Nation:
that we had remembered the words of Micah and renewed our search for humility, mercy, and justice;
that we had torn down the barriers that separated those of different race and region and religion, and where there had been mistrust, built unity, with a respect for diversity;
that we had found productive work for those able to perform it;
that we had strengthened the American family, which is the basis of our society;

that we had ensured respect for the law and equal treatment under the law, for the weak and the powerful, for the rich and the poor; and
that we had enabled our people to be proud of their own Government once again.”

That we had stopped him from quoting what Jimmy Carter said his 1977 inauguration speech?” Chip offered.

He might appreciate that,” Dale agreed.

But I wish he’d plagiarize Abe Lincoln.”

Another Republican!” Chip agreed with extreme politeness.

Yes, he continued. “Abe Lincoln who is reported to have said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Indubitably,” Dale confirmed.



– By Nick Vanocur