Thanks to High Court, it’s Take the Money and Run – For Office

Clarence Thomas, Antonin Scalia, John G. Roberts, Anthony M. Kennedy, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Breyer, Smauel Alito Jr., Elena Kagan

“From the Desk of NickiLeaks”

As it is now 2024, 10 years after the Supreme Court removed campaign donor limits in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission, the editors at From the Desk of NickiLeaks thought that, it being too hot to go outside and a very slow news day, it was time to take a look at some of the headlines and changes that have occurred since then.

√ In Republican circles, the spelling of campaign has been changed to champagne.

√ Since the increase in campaign donations, 114 bankers linked to campaign finance fraud have been indicted and 47 of them have disappeared.

Twenty-three of the 47 have been spotted in the Cayman Islands, 16 have been seen in Switzerland and Vinnie assured NickiLeaks that none of the others would ever be found.

And he was believed.

√ More Republicans were seen in housing projects. According to party spokesman it was part of the GOP’s continuing minority outreach program (“Continuously unsuccessful,” one reporter quipped,) but afterward, a spike was noticed in the use of food stamps for the purchase of crab legs, shrimp and Texas beef in the whiter parts of town

√ Cheerios and General Mills sued the Republican National Committee and a majority of state Republican committees when they could not purchase air time in elections years.

A Republican spokesman said that the public had a right to know the truth, even if it was lies, and accused the cereal maker of milking the issue for all it was worth and, as typical of cereals. They didn’t contain a grain of truth.

Within moments, the social media was abuzz with the news and breakfast lovers in social networking sites had begun dubbing themselves Tweeties.

judge√ Sixteen different Republican campaigns have tried to buy Fox News and two presidential efforts have tried to purchase CNN either by outright sale or stock manipulation.

One came close.

√ Two hundred and six campaigns have been sued for slander, libel or some combination thereof.

These cases are still pending as Congress has refused to fill 81% of judicial vacancies that have occurred since the decision.

Ad agencies have reported record hiring but have been accused of underpaying their workforce.

But, minority groups have continually protested, pointing out that that they have been underrepresented in the Madison Avenue hiring by 312%

Meanwhile, fact-checking agencies have reported massive layoffs that were evenly spread over all ethnic and religious groups.

War has its own Web page.

Cigarette companies have used politics as a way to end-run the ban on TV ads, paying candidates and their supporters to be seen casually smoking and claiming Free Speech rights when confronted by lung cancer survivors.

One losing presidential candidate admitted, off the record, that being being dubbed “The Marlboro Man” did hurt him at the polls, despite a campaign that took spending to a whole new level.

The Koch Brothers have refused to die.

Six candidates have shot themselves at televised rallies proclaiming to be be-pro gun.

Fortunately, all the injured bystanders have fully recovered.

√ They still can’t repeal Obamacare.

– By Nick Vanocur for