The Romneys – Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

 

From the Desk of NickiLeaks

 

 

MST 300A

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is an American cult TV comedy series created by Joel Hodgson.
The show premiered on KTMA in Minneapolis, MN on Nov. 24, 1988 and features a man who is imprisoned on a space station by an evil scientist and forced to watch a selection of bad movies and public service shorts as part of a psychological experiment. To stay sane, he and his robot sidekicks, provide a running commentary on each film, making fun of its flaws, and wisecracking their way through each reel in the style of a movie-theater peanut gallery.
Wikipedia (or Rand Paul, depending on your point of view.)

 

With the Mitt Romney film debuting with a day or two, I felt it best to surrender this section of “From the Desk of NickiLeaks” to some folks who really know a bad film when they see it, so please welcome Joel Robinson, Tom Serve and Crow T. Robot from MST 3000 as they are forced to watch the Mitt Romney documentary.

 

Tom: “So what stinker do we have on the menu today?”

Joel: “It’s a film about six years in the life of Mitt Romney.”

Crow: “Is their any life in six years of Mitt Romney’s life?”

Joel: “If there is, you’ll see it here.”

Tom: “And I’m the one that brought up stinker. Well, we’re off to a great start.”

Crow: “With six kids and 17 grandkids, I’d say somebody else started before your did.”

Announcer: “And there is the happy family!”

Tom: “Hey, it’s just like ‘Meerkat Manor!’ There’s thousands of them and they’re all related and the all have their nose stuck in the air!”

Crow: “Yeah, probably trying to get a whiff of the press coming close.”imgres-1

Announcer: “And here are the Romneys at home with their dog. See how happy they all look?”

Crow: “I bet the dog is happy not to be strapped to the car roof as the elevator rises.”

Tom: “Hey, how come they love their 17 grandkids and not a single one has a picture on the fridge?”

Crow: “As frigid as that family is, the probably put the pictures on the inside of the fridge.”

Joel: “Guys, I’m watching this.”

Crow: “I think you can skip 47% of it and not miss a thing.”

Tom: “I’m just glad we’re not in one of those spaceships where the windows roll down.”

Announcer: “And here are the Romneys, a very devout family, arriving at the temple of the Church of the Latter Say Saints in Salt Lake City.”

Crow: “Where they will ask God to show his photo ID.”

Joel: “They are not going to ask God to show his photo ID!”

Tom: “I bet Ann will.”

Crow: “I bet Tagg will punch God if he doesn’t!”

Joel: “Guys, this is a church. God doesn’t get beat up in church!’

(Silence)

Announcer: “And here are the Romneys at home watching their favorite TV show.”

Tom: “Thank you for tuning in to this week’s episode of Mormons on Ice.

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Announcer: “And off the campaign trail, the Romneys are just like regular folks.”

Crow: “Hey look, Mitt’s pumping his own gas!”

Tom: “He’s been pumping gas the whole campaign. Now it’s just going in the car.”

Announcer: “And here is Mitt Romney in his office conducting business.”

Crow: “How come this documentary covers six years of his life and I never saw Mitt fill in one 1040 form?”

Tom: “What makes you think that’s not the way Republicans do business?”

Announcer: “And here is the saddened candidate ready to make his concession call, asking for the number for the White House.

Crow: “I have the president’s number. Just dial 1-800-BLACK IS BACK!”

Tom: “How come he has all that money and is calling collect?”

Crow: “Government handout?”

Announcer: “And here is Mitt at the end of his six-year journey.”

Tom: “And he’s still not God.”

Crow: “That’s because more than 47% of people believe in God.”

Joel: “Guys, that’s not nice. You shouldn’t kick a man when he’s down.”

Tom: “How down can you be when you have $300 million?”

Crow: “And your family that owns all the voting machines in America?”

Joel: “Guys, you just asked a very good question.”

 

Nick Vanocur