The Sunday Funnies and Factoids

June 6/14, Keith Lennox, All-len-All –

laurentiansGood morning, one and all.  What a glorious day here in the foothills of the Laurentian Pimples…. errrrrr, Mountains.  I’m not sayin’ our mountain range is small, but……….. that’s a hill, is it not?  Apparently, some fella’ named Laurentian had one massively inflated sense of self-importance.

I hope all is well with everyone out there and you are having the same glorious type of weather that I am.  So, without further boredom from yours truly, on with this weeks Sunday Funnies and Factoids.

 

1) Perhaps one of the lowest moments in sports history was perpetrated by the members of the 2000 Spanish Paralympic basketball team. After the team snagged a gold medal, it was revealed that 10 of the 12 players had never been tested for disabilities and were, in fact, not handicapped.

2) Both of Baltimore’s major league sports teams (baseball and football) have bird nicknames (the Orioles and the Ravens). Both franchises relocated from other cities, and both were formerly nicknamed the Browns.

3) Flamingos are naturally white. Their diet of brine shrimp and algae turns them pink.

i5) In 1946, Ed Waldmire, Jr., revolutionized the meat-on-a-stick world when he debuted the Cozy Dog—the first corn dog on a stick. He had wanted to name his creation the “Crusty Cur,” but his wife convinced him that people wouldn’t want to eat something described as “crusty.”

6) Since 1930, there have been fewer than 10 left-handed catchers in Major League Baseball.

7) Here’s Buddy Guy’s complete Rock & Roll Hall of Fame acceptance speech: “If you don’t think you have the blues, just keep living.”

8) Eisenhower Wrote a Letter Accepting Blame for D-Day’s Failure, just in Case:

“Our landings in the Cherbourg-Havre area have failed to gain a satisfactory foothold and I have withdrawn the troops. My decision to attack at this time and place was based on the best information available. The troops, the air and the Navy did all that bravery and devotion to duty could do. If any blame or fault attaches to the attempt it is mine alone.”

9) Ironically, the only member of ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.  Speaking of ZZ Top, that was pretty uncool of the prosecution in the Oscar Pistorius case to start off their opening statement by playing ZZ Top’s “Legs.”

10) Sleeping through the winter is called “hibernation,” while sleeping through hot and dry periods like summer is called “estivation.”

11) President Gerald Ford was offered contracts with the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions.

12) The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

cop_warning_sign20. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

18. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

11. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

Donuts-Funny-Cop-Fearlessness10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

13) The Enola Gay was named after the pilot’s mother, Enola Gay Tibbets.

14) Caffeine serves the function of a pesticide in a coffee plant.

15) The former Rolling Stones’ bassist, Bill Wyman, began a relationship with thirteen-year-old Mandy Smith, when he was forty-seven. They married six years later in 1989, but divorced after less than two years. Not long after the divorce, Bill’s thirty-year-old son, Stephen, married Mandy Smith’s mother, Patsy, age forty-six.  Eeeeewwwww !!!!  Bill Wyman just got really fucking creepy to me.

16) Academy Award-winning actor Kevin Spacey has an older brother, Randy, who makes a living as a Rod Stewart impersonator.

 

Okay, that’s a wrap.  Enjoy the rest of your weekends, folks.  Have a safe and healthy week ahead.  Don’t forget at some point to take a minute or two to pay a small act of kindness forward.  If we all did that, the world would be such a better place, so extend a kindness and make someone’s day….. win/win.

 

Keith