The Sunday Funnies & Factoids

Apr. 27/14

Front_page_bob-300x176Welcome back, ladies and germs, for the latest installment of my Sunday Funnies and Factoids.  The place where we gather to learn a few pieces of useless information that will, more often than not, be of absolutely no use to you going forward in life.  Sorry, did that sound a tad jaded?  If so, too bad…. deal.  Sitting in front of my laptop glancing down at the weather site for my area and seeing that we have hit the forecast high temperature of the day….. 4 Celsius….. or 39 Fahrenheit.  Grey, cloudy, off and on showers, cold north winds, so if I come off as a little bit disgruntled…… DAMMMMM STRAIGHT I AM !!!!!!

Oh well, on with the day’s tasty tidbits.

1) Each king in a deck  of playing cards represents a great king from history:

* Spades – King David

* Hearts – Charlemagne

* Clubs – Alexander, the Great

* Diamonds – Julius Caesar

2) Only two people  signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,  John Hancock and Charles Thomson.  Most of the rest signed on August 2, but  the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.

3) In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the  phrase…’Goodnight , sleep tight’.

4) BIC estimates that it has sold more than 50 disposable ink pens every second of every day since 1950. In fact, in September 2005, the company proudly announced that it had sold its 100 billionth pen.

5) The Dow Jones Industrial Average was created by former Wall Street Journal co-founder Charles Dow in 1896. Dow picked 12 important companies from a variety of industries ranging from the U.S. Leather Company to the American Sugar Company. The only company still on the list today is General Electric.

6) Dear Ann Landers (aka Esther Lederer) and Dear Abbey (aka Pauline Phillips) were not only sisters but twin sisters.  Jesus, imagine those family get- togethers over the holidays….. not too much pressure to be in your best behavior, eh?

7) The first seedless grapes were kind of an accident. Thousands of years ago in the Middle East, a random genetic mutation caused a group of grapes to spontaneously abort their own seeds before the seeds could develop hard casings. The result: seedless produce. To reproduce the fruit, a sly farmer simply cloned the vine (with no seeds, there’s nothing to plant)—meaning that all seedless grapes today are direct descendants of that one mutated grape vine.  I don’t really care how it happened just so long as, at the end of the day, the finished product is wine.  I’m good with that.

fruitfly8) When fruit flies inhale alcohol, the males will start to mate with each other, forming lines.  Sounds just like prison, doesn’t it?

9) In 2003, the European Union came up with a novel solution for lowering soaring unemployment levels in Italy’s Campania region. With a grant of 1 million euros, the EU opened First Tel School, a program designed to train students to become game show hostesses. Unfortunately, fewer than 100 spots were made available to the 1,200 Vanna White wannabes who applied.  Tax dollars hard at work….. oy.

10) The phrase “under god” has not always been in the Pledge of Allegiance. It was added during the Eisenhower administration to distinguish the United States from the “godless” Communists in the USSR.  Huh !!!!

11) The Chicago River used to flow into Lake Michigan, but the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers switched it to flow backwards, AWAY from the lake, for sanitation purposes.

12) A former slave ship captain wrote the song “Amazing Grace.”  Again….. huh !!!

13) In the ‘Not Seeing the Big Picture’ category’…..

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says “So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

“I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

“I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??”

“Because the dog’s a damn liar. He never did any of that shit.” *

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Have a great Sunday everyone and an even better week.  Pass along a small kindness to someone this week and make the world just a little bit better of a place to live in.

See ya’ next weekend.

 

Keith

* Joke courtesy of a good man and friend, Ross….. a staunch liberal forever fighting the good fight.