The Sunday Funnies & Factoids, The ‘Short But Sweet’ Edition
by Keith Lennox, All-len-All, 10/19/14 –
Good day, folks. Happy Sunday to one and all. I sure hope your day and week have gone great.
I apologize for the brevity of this weeks SF&Fs, but ALA has been a tad short-staffed of late and I have had so very much to do this week. So, without further ado, let’s learn something entirely useless.
2) In February of 2012, a 28-year-old man in Winder, Georgia, called 911 to report that he was invisible. According to police, he was not.
3) The mega-disco hit and gay anthem “It’s Raining Men,” although attributed to The Weather Girls (formerly known as Two Tons of Fun), was actually written by Late Night sidekick Paul Shaffer (and co-written by Paul Jabara)…… what a shocker… fellow Canadian Paul Shaffer just oozes testosterone, doesn’t he ladies?
4) For his birthday in 1947, Harry Truman’s friends had a bowling alley installed in the White House. Truman said he hadn’t bowled since he was 19.
5) John C. Calhoun of South Carolina was the only man to serve as Vice President to U.S. Presidents in two different parties: John Quincy Adams (1825-1829) and Andrew Jackson (1829-1832). He was also the first to resign the office.
6) The ubiquitous garden earthworm is not indigenous to the U.S. They came over in the mud, on the boots, and on the roots of the crops that colonists brought over.
7) Gremlins was one of two movies to influence the start of the PG-13 rating. The other was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
8) Sigurd the Mighty, a ninth-century Norse earl of Orkney, was killed by an enemy he had beheaded several hours earlier. He’d tied the man’s head to his horse’s saddle, but while riding home one of its protruding teeth grazed his leg. He died from the infection.
9) The medical term stroke comes from the 16th century, when a person suffering a cerebral hemorrhage was thought to have been hit by “the stroke of God’s hand.”
10) The Halifax explosion which killed 2,000 people occurred on December 6th, 1917, and was the largest man-made explosion until the first atomic bomb was dropped in 1945.
11) The Beatles used the word “love” 613 times in their songs.
12) Killing a Panda in China is punishable by death.
13) Costumes were scarier back in the day. They just were. Back before Halloween was sexy, before it was owned by Disney, back before everyone realized you’ll still get candy no matter how little effort you put into your costume. Here are 18 costume ideas, each offering its own bit of advice on how to add some horrible to your Halloween.. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE TERROR OF A FILTHY, GLEEFUL SMILE.
2. CLOWNS ARE SCARIER WITHOUT RAINBOW WIGS.
“My head handle is prettier than your head handle.”
3. WHEN SEEKING TO INSPIRE TERROR, QUANTITY IS QUALITY.
“Might I call your attention to the center ring, where our Circus of the Damned performers are currently gathering to eat your souls!”
4. LADIES, PUT SOME EFFORT INTO THOSE “SEXY” COSTUMES. THEY CAN BE TERRIFYING.
“Helloooooo! My eyes are up h-… oh, nevermind. You’re good.”
5. YOUR COSTUME NEED NOT BE ELABORATE, AS LONG AS YOU INCLUDE A GIANT RAT ACCESSORY.
I like to think the rat is nuzzling her, not sinking its gnarled teeth into her still beating heart. But really it should be doing neither.
6. THERE IS NOTHING SO INNOCENCE-SHATTERING AS HOMEMADE VERSIONS OF COPYRIGHTED CHARACTERS.
Mickey hates to see Minnie go, but he loves to watch her walk away, in these costumes from 1931.
7. A RUFFLY COLLAR AND CUTE WHISKER ARE THE ONLY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A CUTE LITTLE KITTY CAT AND A DEMON HOBGOBLIN.
The original Grumpy Cat, from 1924, would like to talk to you about these boxes of raisins you’ve been handing out.
8. TWINS ARE ALWAYS SCARY. SO ANYWHERE YOU GO FROM THERE IS A GUARANTEED HORROR.
“Hey sailor, have you ever had two nightmares at the same time?”
9. BLUNT OBJECTS FOR WIELDING ARE THE PERFECT ADDITION TO A MINIMALIST COSTUME.
What Death lacks in stature he makes up for in determination.
10. SOMETIMES DEPRESSING PEOPLE IS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN JUST SCARING THEM.
Long before “Sexy” Owl and “Sexy” Pumpkin, there was…the earnest creativity brought forth by heart-rending poverty.
11. DON’T BE AFRAID TO EXPLORE OTHER CULTURES’ NIGHTMARES FOR COSTUME INSPIRATION.
They won’t get off the porch. I bet you wish you’d installed that newfangled telephone now.
12. WHEELS MAY BE ADDED TO THE BEDS OF SICK CHILDREN. JUST SO YOU KNOW.
Before there was Make-A-Wish, there was Scream-A-Prayer—at least for the kids visiting this clown hospital in 1924.
13. WEAR THE HEAD OF AN ACTUAL DEAD ANIMAL. YOU WIN.
Enjoy your breakfast? Good. Now Mr. Truffles would like a word with you.
14. IF DONE CORRECTLY, AFFECTION CAN BE CREEPIER THAN VIOLENCE.
I never realized how not horrifying the 1939 movie versions of the Tin Man and Scarecrow were, at least when compared to their 1902 counterparts.
15. SOMETIMES IT’S OK TO JUST SIT BACK AND LET THE PAPER-MACHE DO THE TERRORIZING FOR YOU.
“Little Halloween People.” I offer no jokes here. Only prayers.
16. LET YOUR COSTUME TELL A STORY. ONE THAT INVOLVES MEAT HOOKS AND BUTCHER KNIVES.
“The Author in Fancy Dress as a Side of Bacon.”
17. TRY AND CAPTURE UNIQUE EMOTIONS ON YOUR MASK. TENACITY. CURIOSITY. REVERENCE. CRAMPS.
They clawed their way out of the pits of hell, the least you can do is give ‘em a Snickers bar. Besides, it’s not like you have a choice.
18. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE HOW FRIGHTENED PEOPLE ARE OF FAT ROLLS.
Well I don’t know about you, but I suddenly want to buy tires. Certainly not run, run far and hard until the very air is like daggers in my lungs. Nope. Just some tires, please!
Photos found on Pinterest unless otherwise noted.
14) Nixon was speaking at Disney World when he famously declared, “I am not a crook.”
15) Grover Cleveland is the only U.S. President to serve two non-consecutive terms. He was the 22nd AND the 24th U.S. President.
16) Obsessive nose picking is called rhinotillexomania.
Thanks for stopping by. Have a great remainder of your weekend and if the opportunity presents itself to you this week…. pay it forward.