The Sunday Funnies & Factoids: The ‘That Was Summer?’ Edition

by Keith Lennox, All-len-All, 09/07/14 –

Hey, folks, hope you had a wonderful week and are thoroughly enjoying your weekend… I know I am.  Perfect weekend weather here….. mid 70 highs and mid 50 lows,  all the while most folks south of the 49th are sweltering in the humidity.

Turn up the A/C, read my SF&Fs , then get ready for some FOOTBALL !!!!  The NFL is back, baby, and I for one am PUMPED !!!!!

 

cat theft auto1) In the 1920s and early 1930s, French surgeon Serge Voronoff perfected the technique of transplanting testicle tissue from various primates into men, supposedly to increase longevity and sex drive. Discredited by the 1940s, the once-fashionable procedure had a cocktail named after it: the Monkey Gland (gin, orange juice, grenadine and absinthe)……..  ummmmmmm, okay then.

2) One of the most interesting mysteries of Death Valley National Park is the sliding rocks at Racetrack Playa (a playa is a dry lake bed). These rocks can be found on the floor of the playa with long trails behind them. Somehow these rocks slide across the playa on their own, cutting a furrow into the sediment as they move. Nobody knows how they move!

3) Symbols such as “!#@%” that are used to indicate swearing in comic strips are called grawlix.

blowjob4) The Vatican Bank is the world’s only bank that allows ATM users to perform transactions in Latin.

5) Albert Einstein never received a Nobel Prize for his theory of relativity.

6) The planet Venus is the hottest in the Solar System. This because high volume of atmospheric CO2 creates a strong greenhouse gas effect….. yeah, and the way we are going we’re probably catching up very fast.

einstein7) When Milton Bradley introduced Twister in 1966, critics denounced the game as “sex in a box.”……… “sex… box”?  Nope, ain’t touching that one.

8) Only one half of a dolphin’s brain sleeps at a time. The other half that’s awake signals the dolphin to come up for air to prevent drowning.

9) Twinkies originally had banana-flavored filling, but switched to vanilla when WWII brought the banana trade to a halt….. and I bet if you had one of the original ones today it would be as fresh as the day it was made, having a half-life of 18,000 years and all.

ladies10) America got its first true pizzeria when Gennaro Lombardi opened up a small grocery store in NYC’s Little Italy. An employee named Anthony “Totonno” Pero started selling pizzas out of the back, and in no time, Lombardi’s was concentrating on its burgeoning pizza business instead of plain old groceries.

11) Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can. When he died in 2008, his ashes were buried in one.

12) “Never squat while wearing your spurs” – Will Rogers –  Will Rogers, who died in a  1935 plane crash, was one of  the greatest political sages this country  has ever known. Enjoy the  following:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing  tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot  day.

3. There are two theories to arguing  with a woman. Neither  works.

cops 24. Never miss a good chance to shut  up.

5. Always drink upstream from the  herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop  digging.

7. The quickest way to double your  money is to fold it and put it back into your  pocket.

8. There are three kinds of  men: The ones that learn by  reading.   The few who learn by  observation.   The rest of them have to pee on the  electric fence  and find out for  themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience,  and a lot of that comes from bad  judgment.

gravity cat10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd,  take a look back every now and  then   to make sure it’s still  there.

11.  Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot  easier’n puttin’ it back.

12.  After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion  felt so good he started  roaring.   He  kept it up until a hunter came along and shot  him.   The  moral:  When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth  shut.

ABOUT  GROWING OLDER…

First  ~Eventually  you will reach a point when you stop  lying   about  your age and start bragging about  it.

Second  ~  The older we get, the fewer things seem worth  waiting in line for.

Third  ~  Some people try to turn back their  odometers.   Not  me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this  way.   I’ve  traveled a long way, and some of the roads  weren’t paved.

Fourth  ~  When you are dissatisfied and would like to go  back to youth,   think  of Algebra.

Fifth  ~  You know you are getting old when everything  either dries up or leaks.

Sixth  ~  I don’t know how I got over the hill without  getting to the top.

Seventh  ~  One of the many things no one tells you about  aging   is  that it’s such a nice change from being  young.

Eighth  ~  One must wait until evening to see how splendid  the day has been.

Ninth  ~  Being young is beautiful, but being old is  comfortable.

Tenth  ~  Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground  with sticks,   it  was called witchcraft.   Today  it’s called golf.

And,  finally ~  If you don’t learn to laugh at  trouble,   you  won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re  old.

13) “General” Custer wasn’t a general at the time of his death at Little Big Horn. He was promoted to Brevet General during the Civil War, which was basically a temporary promotion. After the war, he was reverted back to his true rank of Lieutenant Colonel, the rank he held when he was killed.

14) Prince Harry is partial owner of a racehorse named Usain Colt…… now that’s good.

 

Okay folks, that’s it for this Sunday….. got beer to chill and taco filling to make.  Have a great day and week ahead and remember to pay it forward at least once this week.

 

Ciao,

 

Keith