The Sunday Funnies & Factoids: The ‘That Was Summer?’ Edition
by Keith Lennox, All-len-All, 09/07/14 –
Hey, folks, hope you had a wonderful week and are thoroughly enjoying your weekend… I know I am. Perfect weekend weather here….. mid 70 highs and mid 50 lows, all the while most folks south of the 49th are sweltering in the humidity.
Turn up the A/C, read my SF&Fs , then get ready for some FOOTBALL !!!! The NFL is back, baby, and I for one am PUMPED !!!!!
1) In the 1920s and early 1930s, French surgeon Serge Voronoff perfected the technique of transplanting testicle tissue from various primates into men, supposedly to increase longevity and sex drive. Discredited by the 1940s, the once-fashionable procedure had a cocktail named after it: the Monkey Gland (gin, orange juice, grenadine and absinthe)…….. ummmmmmm, okay then.
2) One of the most interesting mysteries of Death Valley National Park is the sliding rocks at Racetrack Playa (a playa is a dry lake bed). These rocks can be found on the floor of the playa with long trails behind them. Somehow these rocks slide across the playa on their own, cutting a furrow into the sediment as they move. Nobody knows how they move!
3) Symbols such as “!#@%” that are used to indicate swearing in comic strips are called grawlix.
5) Albert Einstein never received a Nobel Prize for his theory of relativity.
6) The planet Venus is the hottest in the Solar System. This because high volume of atmospheric CO2 creates a strong greenhouse gas effect….. yeah, and the way we are going we’re probably catching up very fast.
8) Only one half of a dolphin’s brain sleeps at a time. The other half that’s awake signals the dolphin to come up for air to prevent drowning.
9) Twinkies originally had banana-flavored filling, but switched to vanilla when WWII brought the banana trade to a halt….. and I bet if you had one of the original ones today it would be as fresh as the day it was made, having a half-life of 18,000 years and all.
10) America got its first true pizzeria when Gennaro Lombardi opened up a small grocery store in NYC’s Little Italy. An employee named Anthony “Totonno” Pero started selling pizzas out of the back, and in no time, Lombardi’s was concentrating on its burgeoning pizza business instead of plain old groceries.
11) Fredric Baur invented the Pringles can. When he died in 2008, his ashes were buried in one.
12) “Never squat while wearing your spurs” – Will Rogers – Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER…
First ~Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.
13) “General” Custer wasn’t a general at the time of his death at Little Big Horn. He was promoted to Brevet General during the Civil War, which was basically a temporary promotion. After the war, he was reverted back to his true rank of Lieutenant Colonel, the rank he held when he was killed.
14) Prince Harry is partial owner of a racehorse named Usain Colt…… now that’s good.
Okay folks, that’s it for this Sunday….. got beer to chill and taco filling to make. Have a great day and week ahead and remember to pay it forward at least once this week.