The Sunday Funnies & Factoids – The ‘Too Much Scotch Makes Keith a Sad Boy’ Edition
by Keith Lennox, All-len-All – 11/30/14
Hello, gang. Hope all is going better than good. Just a quick intro today as I slept late after over-indulging last evening….. that Glen Fiddich character can be your best friend and worst enemy at the same time.
1) The Grammy Awards were introduced to counter the threat of rock music. In the late 1950s, a group of record executives were alarmed by the explosive success of rock ‘n roll, considering it a threat to “quality” music.
2) The final resting-place for Dr. Eugene Shoemaker – the Moon. The famed U.S. Geological Survey astronomer, trained the Apollo astronauts about craters, but never made it into space. Mr. Shoemaker had wanted to be an astronaut but was rejected because of a medical problem. His ashes were placed on board the Lunar Prospector spacecraft before it was launched on January 6, 1998. NASA crashed the probe into a crater on the moon in an attempt to learn if there is water on the moon.
3) Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.
5) A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes……. lucky bastards….
6) The present population of 5 billion plus people of the world is predicted to become 15 billion by 2080.
7) In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
9) Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.
10) Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
11) Women speak about 20,000 words a day. That’s 13,000 more than the average man……. nope… not touching this one…..
12) The founder of Match.com lost his girlfriend to a man she met on Match.com….. snort….
14) Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is fear of the number 666.
15) About 153,000 people will die on your birthday…… CHEERS …..
16) 80% of all Soviet males born in 1923 died in World War II.
17) There is a gene that can cause you to be negative most of the time.
18) Marijuana is legal and is not even classified as a drug in North Korea.
20) Hitler was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939.
21) The day after tomorrow is called ‘Overmorrow’.
22) The word pencil comes from a Latin word meaning ‘little tail’ or ‘small penis.’…. ouch…. sure glad I exclusively use big old carpenter’s pencils……
23) 25 Things to Look for While Watching the 24-Hour A Christmas Story Marathon (arguably, the best Christmas movie ever made)
You’ve probably seen A Christmas Story enough times that you never really need to watch it again. But watch it you will. And enjoy it, too. Even though you know every twist and turn it will take for our young hero Ralphie to finally get his hands on his much-desired Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. (An item he repeats 28 times throughout the film’s 94-minute running time; you could make an eggnog drinking game out of that.)
This Christmas, when you inevitably tune into catch at least one airing of Bob Clark’s holiday classic during TBS’ 24-hour marathon, we’ve got a way for you to watch A Christmas Story in a whole new light: by keeping your eyes—and ears—peeled for these 25 blink-and-you’ll-miss-‘em gaffes, anachronisms, and other fun facts that make watching the 30-year-old film an entirely new experience.
1. RALPHIE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL “CHRISTMAS.”
At least it doesn’t appear that way when he gets his Christmas theme—or shall we call it aChistmas theme—back from Mrs. Shields, who also didn’t notice that the “R” is missing from the word.
2. JEAN SHEPHERD MAKES AN ON-SCREEN APPEARANCE.
If the voice of the man who brusquely informs Ralphie and Randy that the line to sit on Santa’s lap begins about two miles further back than they had anticipated sounds familiar, that’s because it’s the voice of the narrator, a.k.a. Adult Ralphie, who also happens to be Jean Shepherd, the man upon whose short stories the film itself is based. The woman behind Shepherd is his wife, Leigh Brown.
3. BOB CLARK JOINS IN THE CAMEO FUN.
Not to be outdone, director Bob Clark pops up in front of the camera, too, as Ralphie’s neighbor, Swede. He’s the guy who seems awfully curious about how Ralphie’s dad managed to snag himself a leg lamp. When The Old Man Parker informs him that it’s a Major Award, Swede responds: “Shucks, I wouldn’t know that. It looks like a lamp.”
4. RALPHIE’S DAD IS NEVER GIVEN A NAME.
Over the years, a gaggle of sharp-eared A Christmas Story fans have pointed out that in Bob Clark’s scene, Ralphie’s dad is given a name: Hal. This is because they believed that in the brief exchange between the two neighbors, Swede asks of the leg lamp, “Damn Hal, you say you won it?” But a quick confer with the film’s original screenplay confirms that Swede’s actual query is, “Damn, hell, you say you won it?”
5. SPEAKING OF THE LEG LAMP…
The continuity folks must have been taking a coffee break during the unveiling of the leg lamp. Watch closely as the amount of packing debris covering The Old Man’s back and head changes from shot to shot. In one shot, his back is covered in the stuff; cut back and there’s nothing there.
6. IS THE LEG LAMP REALLY A LAMP?
In addition to being stumped by the word “fragile,” The Old Man—and the rest of the family—is initially confused as to what the leg’s purpose is. Is it a statue? (“Yeah, statue!”) One can’t blame them, as there’s no electrical cord to be seen. It’s just a leg. Yet, once the lampshade is discovered, the Parker clan is magically able to plug that titillating little fixture right in.
7. ONE FINAL THING ABOUT THE LEG LAMP…
After witnessing the moment that Ralphie explains would become “a family controversy for years”—the breaking of the leg lamp—Mrs. Parker balks at her husband’s accusation that she would be jealous of a plastic lamp. But just moments before the “accident” in question, we hear the sound of breaking glass. And lots of it. Plastic doesn’t sound (or break) like that.
8. IS IT TORONTO OR IS IT INDIANA?
Though the film is set in Hohman, Indiana—a fictionalized town based on Shepherd’s hometown of Hammond, Indiana—parts of the film were shot in Toronto. This becomes apparent in some of the outdoor scenes, such as when the family is shopping for a Christmas tree, as one of the Toronto Transit Commission’s signature red trolley cars zooms by.
9. BOLTS VERSUS NUTS.
We all remember Ralphie’s reaction when his attempt to help his father fix a flat tire goes terribly awry. But here’s a fun fact that only true motorheads would pick up on: In the scene, Ralphie’s dad implores him to hold the hubcap horizontally so that he can put the “nuts” in it. But the 1938 Oldsmobile that he’s driving actually uses removable bolts. A fact that Shepherd confirms in his narration of the scene when he recalls that, “For one brief moment I saw all the bolts silhouetted against the lights of the traffic—and then they were gone.” Oh, fudge!
10. SCOTT SCHWARTZ IS NOT SCHWARTZ. BUT HE IS.
Ralphie’s two best friends are Schwartz, played by R.D. Robb, and Flick, played by Scott Schwartz. As if this tale of two Schwartzes weren’t confusing enough, when Ralphie tells his mom that it’s Schwartz who taught him how to drop the F-bomb, Mrs. Parker immediately calls the boy’s mother. But the voice we hear of fictional Schwartz taking a whooping is actually the voice of Scott Schwartz. Got it?
11. SCHWARTZ’S WHEREABOUTS.
Immediately following his unceremonious (and totally false) ratting out of his buddy, Ralphie remembers how “three blocks away, Schwartz was getting his.” In the original story, that may have very well been the case. But the film’s production called for Schwartz’s home to be just a few doors down from Ralphie’s, as we see as the kids walk to school together. Not three blocks away.
12. RALPHIE’S NOT A VERY GOOD LISTENER.
Ralphie felt understandably ripped off when, after weeks of waiting for his Little Orphan Annie decoder ring, the first message he decoded was simply an advertisement for Ovaltine. But he’s lucky he could decipher the message at all, because a few of the numbers that he wrote down don’t match the numbers that announcer Pierre Andre broadcast, most notably the last one; Pierre said 25, Ralphie wrote 11.
13. UPPERCASE OR LOWERCASE?
Perhaps it’s that very error above that made it necessary for Ralphie to decode Annie’s message on at least two pieces of paper. How do we know that? Check out the difference in the “E” in the word “Be.” In the earlier shot, it’s an uppercase E; in the final message, the letter is lowercase. We’re on to you, Ralphie.
14. FOR A SPORTS FAN, OLD MAN PARKER DOESN’T KNOW SPORTS.
Though the exact year of A Christmas Story’s setting is never stated, many of its context clues—including the makes and models of the cars we see and the popularity of The Wizard of Ozand Little Orphan Annie—put its year around 1939 or 1940. Yet in the beginning of the film, Mr. Parker becomes irate after reading in the paper that the White Sox “traded Bullfrog.” But the White Sox never traded Bill “Bullfrog” Dietrich, though they did release him on September 18, 1946, which would make this comment six years premature. He also refers to the Chicago Bears as the “Terror of the Midway,” when in fact their nickname is “Monsters of the Midway.”
15. THE CASE OF THE MYSTERIOUS LEVERS.
Old Man Parker seems to have a lot of non-human enemies—his car, the Bumpus hounds, and a seemingly possessed furnace among them. In one scene, The Old Man yells upstairs for someone to open the damper, which Mom does rather reluctantly. But watch closely when the camera cuts back to the levers, which are in the opposite position as Mom set them just seconds earlier.
16. DIVERSITY AS AN ANACHRONISM.
By the time A Christmas Story was released in 1983, racial segregation in Indiana public schools was a thing 34 years in the past. But if Ralphie’s story takes place any time before 1949, he would not have had any African American classmates, as he does in the film.
17. THE ROTATING BANANA.
Hoping to score some extra points with his teacher, Ralphie presents Mrs. Shields with the world’s largest fruit basket. It’s so large, in fact, that its individual pieces of fruit seem to have a mind of their own. Watch the way the banana shifts position each time the camera cuts back to Ralphie.
18. A DRAWER FULL OF UNIMAGINABLE MISCHIEF.
Ralphie and his classmates are a troublemaking lot. And when they decide to launch a classroom-wide prank in which they’re all wearing a set of false teeth, Mrs. Shields is well-prepared. She’s got a drawer full of pranks past, including a pair of chattering teeth … a gag gift that wasn’t actually invented until 1949.
19. SPEAKING OF TOOTHY ANACHRONISMS…
In his attempts to make Ralphie’s life a living hell, we get an up-close view of the braces worn by Scut the bully. They’re the kind that are directly bonded to the front of his teeth, a process that wasn’t invented until the 1970s. Until then, metal braces were wrapped around the teeth.
20. THREE-BARREL HINGED GLASSES WEREN’T A THING EITHER.
After nearly shooting his eye out on Christmas morning, Ralphie steps on his own glasses, revealing them to use a three-barrel hinge connector, which would not have been possible until the 1980s.
21. RALPHIE SHOOTS THREE TIMES, HITS FOUR.
When Ralphie is forced to defend his family against the rascally Black Bart (in his own imagination), he shoots three bad guys before his nemesis Bart escapes. But when the pile of bad guys is shown with their eyes X’ed out, there are four of them.
22. A VERY BING CHRISTMAS.
On Christmas morning, the Parkers kick back with that most classic of Christmas albums—Bing Crosby’s Merry Christmas—in the background. As cherished a tradition as that may be, the album wasn’t released until 1945.
23. A BOWLING BALL FOR CHRISTMAS.
Old Man Parker is thrilled when his wife gifts him with a shiny new blue bowling ball for Christmas. There’s just one problem: colored bowling balls weren’t introduced until the 1960s.
24. MELINDA DILLION GETS TOP BILLING.
Getting top billing must have been quite a thrill for actress Melinda Dillon… until the actual credits rolled and her name was spelled incorrectly!
25. FLASH GORDON GETS CREDIT, TOO.
Keep watching the end credits roll and you’ll see Flash Gordon and Ming the Merciless among the names that scroll by. Though it never made the final cut, the credits for an additional fantasy sequence in which Ralphie and his trusty firearm help Flash Gordon face off against Ming remain.
Well, boys and girls, that’s it for this Sunday. Have a great week ahead. If you do get a chance, do think of those less fortunate than ourselves and pick up a few extra things when grocery shopping and drop them off at your local food bank. If we all contribute a little we can literally change the world.