Monthly Archives: August 2013
As a Canadian, I Apologize for Unleashing Justin Bieber Upon the World !
As a Canadian I believe that we have so very much to be proud of…….a whole whack of really funny comedians, very good looking women, manners second to none, small egos, Steppenwolf, William Shatner, Ryan Gosling, kick ass beer that’ll get you shit faced by two in the afternoon, 4 seasons and football that’s played on a really big field with one less down. There is, however, a few things that we are collectively ashamed of……Ted Cruz, Jim Carrey (post 2005), Alex Trebek, Allen Thicke, Avril Lavigne, Nickelback, and Celine Dion. But the thing we are most sorry for above everything else, is this insidious little snot-nosed brat who goes by the name of Justin Bieber.
As hard as this may be to believe for the rest of the world, we hate this child more than you do. He has damaged our collective national image and devalued our good name here and abroad. He has single-handedly turned our once proud nation into a laugh fest for those of you in foreign lands. Nothing is more irritating than telling someone you’re a Canadian and to hear the retort, “Ohhh, Isn’t Justin Bieber a Canadian? I don’t like him. His music sucks.” Yeah, we know. We don’t like him either and, yes, his music does indeed blow chunks. You are pointing out the excruciatingly obvious fact that he is an over-rated, under-talented, and entirely forgettable flash in the pan that sticks to our beloved maple leafed flag like baby shit on a blanket. A stain so deep and pervasive that we may never get it out. How this child, in just a few short years, could have taken a peace loving, friendly, outgoing people and make them wary to say where they hail from to anyone resembling a foreigner, is nothing short of criminal.
If I may sum up as such. Each nation has their proud moments, their days in the sun, so to speak, that no one can take away from them. Those bright shining times when they all stand together as one and say aloud and in unison, hearts filled with pride, “I am so proud to be a __________ian today.” The day that we unleashed this Justin Bieber character upon the rest of the world was not one of those moments for Canadians and we will be eternally sorry for what has transpired since. We know not what we did. All we can do now to make amends is offer our sincerest apologies, our maple syrup, our Crown Royal whisky, our lumber, oil, hydro electricity and our word, that if at all possible, we shall never allow such an abomination to ever leave the confines of our borders again.
Again, words cannot express how sorry we are,
Keith
ps All Canadian animals feel this way.
An Open Letter to Kim and Kanye From Your Newborn Daughter
I suppose congratulations would be in order for Kim and Kanye but I just can’t muster the willpower to do it. I can only put words on paper that I’m sure little North (now that’s just weird) would like to say to the new mom and dad.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I know how you both are attracted to any spotlight that glows brighter than a 40 watt light bulb, but please don’t drag me into that ego trip. I need my sleep and my tender skin will surely burn.
Mommy, please tell me that my butt won’t look like two pigs fighting is a burlap sack when I grow up? I will have enough baggage to deal with and I don’t think carrying that around behind me helps with any endeavors I may attempt.
Daddy, please tell me you know how to smile and that, that smug look you always sport on your face is just a ruse that you run to pretend you’re tough. I like to smile, daddy, you should give it a try.
Mommy, please don’t let me anywhere near grandma or step grandpapa……they’re strange and they scare me more than just a little. As an aside, what happened to step grandpapa’s face???
Daddy, why does your music suck like a New Orleans’ mud pump after Katrina? No really, why? Tell me.
Mommy, just what it is you do? I’ve been listening intently for these past months and I am in a quandary as to just what it is that makes you a living.
Daddy, is there anybody on the planet that you haven’t insulted or doesn’t hate you? Don’t worry, rhetorical, we al know the answer to that one.
Mommy, does grandma always have to act and talk like a whore? Just wondering if she is always like that or if she only acts like a trollop when the cameras are rolling.
Daddy, will you be around for my first birthday or are you going to drop mommy like a bad habit in a couple of months?
Mommy, why did you have me yanked from your body five weeks early?. Just wondering if that was healthy for you or if your vanity got the better of you again and you just couldn’t stand the fact that you were going to get bigger than a barn, not that you hadn’t blowed up real gooood already.
Mommy and daddy, can I please be put up for adoption. I know I’m not going to like living here. There is way too much fighting and egos around here for most people to handle, let alone a new born.
In closing, I’d like anyone who is reading this to please feel free to kidnap me at any time and keep me at your place until I become age of majority.
Thanking you in advance,
North Kardashian West
ps. Please don’t name my sibling North By North, as we have enough in life to worry about.
Keith

Bill Clinton & DOMA: His Biggest Regret ?
DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act) was signed into law on September 21, 1996 by President Bill Clinton without cameras present at 1:00 AM. Surely not his proudest moment. He had little choice. It was politically expedient to do so less than two months before the general election. To use the veto pen on such a contentious and divisive issue could have been beyond detrimental. Why rile up a GOP base and risk defeat? Surely, no one would have done anything differently.
In order to better understand what this piece of legislation was intended to do, one needs look no further than two sections of the bill. Section 2 of DOMA allows states to establish policies regarding the rights of same sex couples. Section 3 states that the federal government has the power to over-ride the same state’s decisions to allow equal access to certain federal laws and programs.
Under this law same sex couples are not granted the equal access to health care programs that straight couples take as a given. The Family Leave Act, allowing employees to take unpaid leaves of absence for medical or familial reasons, was denied gay couples. Certain benefits ‘traditional’ couples take for granted were again denied to same sex couples such as no access to Social Security benefits after the death of a spouse or the inability to file taxes jointly. No green card is given to the spouse of someone from another country if you are of the same sex. These are examples of the archaic nature of this legislation.
While the GOP insists it is trying to save the sanctity of marriage, neglecting to mention the ever rising divorce rates among straight marriages, we know otherwise. It is an embarrassing pander to their base. To deny the same rights to citizens is as abhorrent a stance as any that might exist. We are not talking about special allowances for any group, simply equal accessibility to the same benefits that are afforded the rest of society, without question.
When President Clinton signed DOMA into law it was not based on his moral standing or beliefs. It was politically motivated and, at the time, thought to be quite a shrewd move. The outcry was swift however, and at times downright brutal. Long time supporters turned their backs on him. Supporters of equal rights were harsh in their criticisms, as were left leaning publications. He was aware it would happen and immediately after winning re-election went about mending fences and salving wounds. He nominated the first openly gay man to an ambassadorship, James Hormel went over to the State Department almost immediately, and then he spoke before a large gathering of the HRC (Human Rights Council) a now powerful lobby group that fights for gays rights as well as other civil rights battles. He worked feverishly to repair the damage he knew that would be caused.
Fast forward 17 years. Mr. Clinton did something that is extremely rare in Presidential politics. On March 17th of this year he wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Post urging the Supreme Court to overturn a piece of legislation that he made into law with the early morning signing. Close associates to Clinton said that he was tortured on the matter and thought of the issue to the point of losing sleep. Long time Democratic strategist Hillary Rosen said, “……he was personally embarrassed and remorseful… It makes him uncomfortable that something he’s responsible for has caused so much pain to so many people he genuinely cares about.”
The man did what few people, let alone politicians, do….. admitted he was wrong. He said as much when interviewed by Anderson Cooper on CNN, saying, “I had all these gay friends and I was hung up about it. And I decided I was wrong.” What a blast of fresh air that was. A President saying he was human and indeed mistakes were possible from the highest office in the land. That he had erred. He did something that at its root went against everything he believed and he held close as a truth. Quite an admission from such a lofty place should be admired and celebrated. It takes a good man to admit when they’re wrong and Mr. Clinton stood up and took ownership of it.
By saying in his op-ed piece that the law he signed was discriminatory and should be struck down by the SCOTUS, Mr. Clinton essentially threw himself on his sword by sacrificing legacy for what is right and a greater good for all citizens, the inalienable right to freedom and equal rights, for not just segments of society, but for all.
Well done President Clinton. I have always liked and admired you, sir, but after reading about this legislation and your reaction to it you have elevated my opinion of you two fold.
I have provided a link to the Anderson Cooper interview of Bill Clinton. It is 3 1/2 minutes well worth viewing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GSIHqcdrfI
Keith
Pixies: What’s the Deal With Kim?
What is happening? On the heels of The Pixies announcing a new European tour beginning in September, Kim Deal has parted ways with her band mates. On the band’s official Facebook page the band said, “We are sad to say that Kim Deal has decided to leave the Pixies. We are very proud to have worked with her on and off over the last 25 years. Despite her decision to move on, we will always consider her a member of the Pixies, and her place will always be here for her. We wish her all the best.”
Black Francis, Joey Santiago and David Lovering
As big of a Pixies fan as I am, and I am indeed fanatical about this band, I don’t know that band founder, songwriter, guitarist and vocalist, Charles Thompson IV (Black Francis) can pull this one off. Although the written music he creates, backed by lead guitarist extraordinaire, Joey Santiago, is second to none, I think Charles underestimates the value that Kim brought to the band. She is far too talented to just be replaced. A killer bass player with a voice that sounds like it was sent to us from heaven, Kim was the most approachable member of the band and had, and still has, a rabid following that would crawl on broken glass to hear her sing Where is my Mind, Hey, Gigantic or Bone Machine. She gave the band a human feel that would not have been possible for Charles to accomplish without her. His reclusivity is not the stuff that endears pop fans to an artist, no matter how accomplished they may be. Kim brought an everyman’s feel to the band that invited fans and listeners into the group’s sounds, textures and emotion. This ambitious quartet created five studio albums in five years of always listenable, sometimes hypnotizing, and never, ever, ever disappointing music. It is simply music that makes you happy to be alive.
Although we have not heard a word from Kim herself, that leaves us to speculate as to what is going on. Kim has been busy touring the twentieth anniversary of the Breeders album, ‘Last Splash’, with her sister and best friend, Kelley, so scheduling issues may have been at play. Perhaps Deal realized that the Pixies may have run their course and it was time to walk away with some sense of dignity and accomplishment. Maybe the tensions that exist between her and Charles were just too insurmountable to spend lengths of time exposed to one another, especially stuck across the pond for two months. Perhaps it is something as unexciting as she simply didn’t want to. She had previously expressed absolutely no interest in going back into the studio to record a new album. Maybe the
other three band mates have this in mind and she took her leave because of that. No matter the reason, taking her leave at this time was probably a good move.
I found the Pixies later in life after watching their documentary, loud QUIET loud, and
fell instantly and hopelessly in love with them. So much so, that never a week goes by in my house when at least two or three of their albums are not played at maximum volume. There has never been a band before, and I’m thinking there won’t be in the future, that sounded so fresh, so new, so fun. Between Charles’ broken Spanglish lyrics, Joey’s precise
and incomparable guitar work, Dave’s steady hands and Kim’s more than adequate bass accompanied with the voice of an angel, they were fresh and exciting, something to look forward to.
I have had the pleasure of seeing a lot of the bigger names in rock and roll in concert and had always hoped that a Pixies’ concert would someday be in my future. Sadly, I will not be attending their show if and when they come to my area. The band cannot be the same without Kim Deal. Her presence among them was more than integral, it was essential. Without her, there is no Pixies. They are merely three members of what was once a great pop band that have, for whatever reason, decided to embark on a tour all the while hoping that no one will notice Kim’s absence. People will. We do.
I am going to drag myself off now and listen to some Pixies as they were meant to be heard. With Charles’ determined, driving, mostly undissectable words, Joey’s second to none lead guitar, Dave’s understated back beat, and Kim’s wondrous and haunting voice that takes us to places we seldom visit. Places we would inhabit forever, if given the opportunity to do so.
In the words of the Dandy Warhols, ‘Cool as Kim Deal’. They knew of what they sang and I defy you to disagree with them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl1xgsC3UOM
Keith
The Wall : The Last Great Album of the 1970s
Released in the UK in November 1979, and internationally in March of the following year, Pink Floyd’s The Wall might be, arguably, not only the greatest album of the 1970s, but the best concept album in the history of music. The band finished touring the album in June 1981, in Dortmund, Germany, with eight sold out shows. The short lived tour was so popular the band decided to record five shows at Earl’s Court in London that were immortalized on the album, Is There Anybody Out There? The Wall Live 1980 – 81.
One must wonder if the band, or Roger Waters in particular, had any idea what a masterpiece they had just unleashed upon the world? The 81 minute double album
was constructed with a conceptual backbone that has not even remotely been
paralleled. A sketchy semi-autobiographical piece penned almost exclusively by bass player, band co-founder, and chief architect, Waters, takes listeners on an adventurous trip that few albums could even begin to replicate, and I believe that few even dared to try. How could they? To even think of such lofty goals would be folly.
It is nothing short of an adventure that takes its listeners on a story of a rock star pulverized by his post war upbringing and torn apart by an ever-growing greedy music industry. We are invited, willingly or not, to bear witness to a man quickly coming unglued by the strains of life, the overuse of drugs and the occasional psychotic break. It may not be pretty, but the sounds that emanate from this tale are not that different from witnessing a car wreck……..we are all helpless to turn away. It is a driving, melodic, and hypnotizing opus. An oratory assault that will not easily be forgotten, if indeed it ever is.
This is one of those rare albums that, I will say out loud and I know there are many who feel the same, changed my life. It hit me with such a wave of shock and intrinsic admiration, that I knew I would never listen to music in the same way again. It was heartbreak wrapped up in inspirational warmth that I don’t know I have felt to such a degree since. This album, along with Pete Townsend’s solo effort ’Empty Glass’ was the best music to come out of the eighties, and they both peaked in 1980. Sorry to all the hair band fans out there. I hope the nine of you never read this blog.
Rock, booze, drugs, death, violence, sex, and mental illness may be the themes of this project, but the way The Wall was recorded, engineered and mastered will place it in the annals of music history as one of the finest examples of perfection pressed to vinyl.
Thank you for allowing me to wax poetic about this album. I was feeling a tad nostalgic realizing that the handful of shows on this tour was the last time the four original members of Pink Floyd played together until a one off reunion at Live 8 on July 2nd, 2005. Sadly, it shall never happen again with the sudden passing of keyboardist/vocalist Richard Wright from cancer in 2008.
I shall leave you with one of my favorite tracks from The Wall.
Enjoy,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0HrrR9QDQU
Keith




